Talking to girls can be confusing. I completely understand. Women can be very irrational and almost seem alien in their behavior at times.
That being said, it’s a lot easier than you might think. Having talked to thousands of girls the last 3 years here is my take on talking to girls (with the goal of meeting/dating/sleeping with them while not being manipulative like most ‘pua’ guru’s will advocate).
The first thing you need to understand is that women have a lot more emotional ups and downs.
This is important to understand because her emotional state will directly influence how she will respond to you (initially). If she just watched a rom-com with a girlfriend she will be more receptive (in general) to you than if she just got back from an exhausting day at work. This might seem obvious and I hear you going ‘fucking duhh’ but I never had anyone talk about this and explain it.
So understand the first rule of talking to girls: if you want to maximize your ‘results’ you need to learn and recognize her emotional peaks so you can respond accordingly. It’s just like playing poker. You bet high when the odds are in your favor (she is feeling good). You bet low when she isn’t as cheerful. By ‘betting’ I mean investing and by investing I mean talking/flirting with her with the goal of meeting up.
An example of a girl being in an emotional high:
It’s 8pm and a girl texts you “Heyy you! What are you doing tonight?”. Because she took initiative and seems cheerful it’s likely that she is upbeat and on a positive emotional high in that point in time. Men with a killer instinct will immediately recognize this and they will try to seal the deal as soon as possible, meeting up with her that night.
An example of a girl being in an emotional low:
-It’s 2pm and rainy outside. You text her and the same perky girl who was all over you the day before now acts cold and distant. The wise thing to do in this situation would be to keep the conversation limited so you don’t waste time and energy on a girl who is feeling shit and just not open to any real form of communication right now. Let alone meeting up.
Again, the idea is very simple, but I see a lot of guys mess up here. Always keep in mind:
Girls go through lots of emotional ups and downs. It”s in their nature. Your job is to utilize the window of opportunity when she is on an emotional high and recognize that when she isn’t – you should generally limit the conversation between the two of you.
It takes some practice, but you’ll quickly be able to recognize these ups and downs with all sorts of girls – making you a better communicator in the long run.
On to the next topic. What do you talk about with a girl you like?
In generally I categorize conversations like this:
1. Fluff talk
Fluff talk is talking about basically anything, as long as it is light and cheerful. It could be anything. It could be talking about somone you both know, your favorite ice cream, Star Wars, or stuff you plan to do that night. It doesn’t really matter what it is, as long as it is funny and light. The reason you want to fluff talk is because it creates a playful vibe making it easier to flirt and ‘escalate’.
I would say that when I meet a girl, 70-80% of the conversational is fluff talk – especially when I first meetup with her and take her back to my place.
2. Societal talk
Societal talk means talking about things that society defined as ‘okay topics’ to talk about when you are on a date with a girl. An example could be what kind of work she does or what she studies. There are some girls I’ve noticed who are so brainwashed by the media that they feel this is the only appropriate type of conversation they should have initially. If this is the case, I would always go along with them, but quickly try to go back to fluff-talking.
When I first meet a girl maybe 20% is societal talk. I try to limit it as much as possible because it just doesn’t lead to any vibing and flirting. The converation quickly becomes boring if you stick to societal talk too much. I see a lot of guys mess this up, especially on a ‘first date’, talking about all the default stuff they think they should be talking about.
3. Deep talk
When I say deep talk I mean talking about stuff that are somewhat ‘heavier’ to talk about. It’s pillow talk. Examples are her relationship with her parents, previous sexual experiences, a traumatic experience, or insecurities. I never have any deep talk with a girl until we had sex. After that, all barriers are gone and then it’s time to have some meaningful conversations but not before.
Some of the best conversations I’ve had were when I just had sex with a girl and we were post-coitus talking about some deep shit. After I just had sex with a girl the conversations are 70% deep talk. This is the best time to really connect – especially if you want to establish a good fuck-buddy relationship.
Again, a lot of guys completely fuck themselves over by having deep talk before they have actually had sex with the girl they like.
Doing this will quickly get them friendzoned or put in the boyfriend ccategory because it makes her think you are a good conversational partner. There is nothing wrong with that perse, but the problem is that without that flirty vibe and some sexual innuendo, there won’t be any sexual chemistry making the vibe dull.
You just met her – now what?
After first meeting a girl the conversation should flow naturally. This should come easy and natural after some practice. Similar to learning how to drive a car, it will feel a bit awkward and difficult at times, but as you put in more hours developing your social skills with women, the more natural it will come to you.
That being said, here are some very easy ways to quickly establish a fun conversation with a girl you just met on the street:
-Asking her what she did today.
“So tell me, did you do anything exciting today?”
-Asking her what she plans to do today.
“So tell me, any naughty plans for today?”
-Telling her what you did today.
“I just got back from the gym actually..blabla.”
-Telling her what you plan on doing today.
“I’m gonna go and see the new 300 movie with some friends tonight actually.”
-Making a statement about something you notice about her.
“You look like a girl who likes to do karate.”
-Making a statement about something you see around you.
“That hobo on the guitar is pretty good!”
-Pointing out your unconventional approach.
“I bet you never had a guy hit on you this obvious while you were waiting for a train.”
After that the key is to listen and respond.
Ask questions but be yourself and never sacrifice your own integrity to ‘get some’. What I mean by that is when she tells you she likes horse riding, but you had a girlfriend who also did that and could only talk about riding horses all day you make it clear that you are not a big fan. Don’t automatically agree with everything she says just because she has an ass that is out of this world.
Making the conversation fun
You will quickly want to fluff talk a lot and make the conversation fun and entertaining. This should never be done to entertain the girl (a BIG mistake a lot of guys make, including myself years ago). Instead, it should always be to amuse yourself. Nowadays I still make jokes and references to ‘nerdy’ stuff (e.g. Star Wars, Zelda the Ocarina of time) because I like it. I never do it to ‘make her smile’.
For example:
I remember a cute blonde I chatted up in Amsterdam. She just reminded me of princess Zelda and I just said to her: I would just love to play the ocarina and chill with you at lon lon’s farm (guys who played the game will understand). I expected that she didn’t knew what the fuck I was talking about but instead, she LOVED ME because she actually played that game too when she was young.
In addition, she probably knew on a subconscious level that I was just entertaining myself, not her because let’s be honest, what are the odds of her actually getting my ‘nerdy joke’.
By having fun and entertaining yourself she will quickly reciprocate and before you know it, both of you will be having a great time together. The more you can let go, the more she will too.
Making the conversation sexual
Just talking doesn’t really get you anywhere.
You will have to quickly turn the conversation more sexual. Again, having lots of fluff talk and establishing a fun vibe will quickly open up doors in terms of flirting and turning the chat sexual. There are three things I once read in a book called ‘Minimal Game’(recommended by the way) that I still apply till this day (though it goes on autopilot nowadays)
- Shake hands/hug.
When you first meet her, always shake hands and/or give her a hug. Get physical as soon as possible, even if it seems trivial.
- Invade her personal space.
A big mistake guys make is that they keep their distance when talking with a cutie. You always want to quickly move into her personal space, preferably standing next to her instead of across from her. If she doesn’t like you she will back off to re-create her personal space. If she doesn’t, it means green light.
Because you are standing/sitting closer to her, you can ‘touch’ her easily (e.g. A hand on the lowerback, playful slapping, playing with her hair). And, as you know, touching = good.
- Eye contact baby
Cliche I know. When first meeting a girl never look away first. It just screams submissiveness/insecurity. Always maintain eye contact but don’t look at her all the time like some psycho-path.
You can also abuse eye contact to make her want you more I’ve found – and it’s really simple. When she is heavily inevsting in you (e.g. Telling you a story and being excited) you can casually look around you at times as if you are distracted by the amazing ass from another girl you just saw walking by. It sounds weird but it really works.
Another really really important tip I can give you is using sexual innuendo. If you don’t know what that is, read about it here.
ABC Baby!
As my friend always says, ABC baby, Always Be Closing.
Having a fun chat is nice but always make sure you get her number, take her home with you, or have sex with her. NEVER leave the ‘relationship’ between the two of you vague and open. If you meetup with a girl for a 2nd time and you are not ‘progressing’ from “cheesy makeouts in the club” to “dirt sex at your place”, you are doing something wrong. Ill discuss this in further detail in a next post.
All in all I hope that this guide will give you a better understanding of how to talk to girls. Keep in mind though, that in order to find some diamonds, you’ll come across a lot of rocks. The key to creating a fulfilling love and sex life is by recognizing girls that immediately invest back.