Sex and Dating Mindset – Giving or Taking?

The moral of dating – is it OKAY to want sex?

A lot of guys feel that it is “wrong” to pick up girls and have sex with them. I felt like that too when I was younger. We are all programmed by society to believe that sex is wrong and that we should judge people for having sex. We are programmed to feel guilty for being promiscuous and having sex with new partners.

It is very important to change this mindset. It is very important to learn that it is OKAY to have sex. It is completely ACCEPTABLE to have sex. Actually, you are doing girls A FAVOR when you seduce them and give them a good sexual experience. And it is this change in mindset that I am going to elaborate on here.

Pro-sex mindset

Adopting this new “pro-sex” mindset was definitely a major learning point in my development, and it was something that really changed my attitude and increased my results with girls and getting laid TREMENDOUSLY. Here’s why:

  • If you feel like it is wrong to hit on girls or have sex with them, your brain will subconsciously limit you and hold you back.
  • If you see a hot girl that you want to approach, your brain will tell you “nah bro you might get rejected AND it is also really wrong to try to have sex with her!!”.
  • If you are hanging out with a girl, and you want to escalate to sex, your brain will tell you “nah bro don’t do that, it’s wrong!!” and therefore your escalation will be weaker and more hesitating.


You can either see “approaching girls” and “getting laid” as something you want to TAKE from her (good feelings, sex) or something you want to GIVE to her (good feelings, sex)

The TAKING mindset

  • I will take some of her time, maybe I will interrupt her and she will be mad.
  • She might reject me, if she doesn’t like me.
  • She might think I’m weird because I am different than other guys and I dare to hit on her.
  • Let me see if I can GET a kiss.
  • I want to GET sex from her.

The GIVING mindset

  • I will give her a little of MY time, and give her a compliment = good feelings.
  • I am offering her something good. If she rejects me, no worries. I GAVE her the opportunity.
  • She will think I am special because I am different than other guys and I dare to hit on her.
  • At some point I will GIVE her a kiss.
  • I want to GIVE and SHARE some really hot sex with her.

Now, there’s a good way to “view” this whole mindset. It was actually something I read on a pickup forum back in the days when I still believed in that. But it’s good though.

$20 bucks – giving or taking

You can compare your approach to a $20 note. Either you go up to her with the intention of TAKING $20 bucks from her, or you go up to her with the intention of GIVING her $20 bucks. What is easiest? It is far easier to go up to a girl when you want to GIVE something to her. Guys are usually afraid of getting rejected aka NOT getting what they wanted. But if you don’t even try to GET something, there is no risk of “not getting it”.

Why you should change your mindset from taking to giving

Our brain is super powerful. It affects everything we do. Therefore, simply put, you won’t get laid if your brain holds you back. You really have to change your inner beliefs, deep inside. It might take some time, because society has programmed us with a ton of negative social programming. Most of us are brought up to be fucking pussies that view sex as wrong and are super insecure. Our parents, our teachers, the church, the movies and the media have all told us to “be good” and “don’t do anything bad like sex”. So it definitely takes some work to change, but it’s definitely also worth it.

By changing your mindset from TAKING to GIVING, you will seriously minimize your approach anxiety, because what do you have to fear, when you just want to GIVE her something? You can simply not lose.

Seriously, it makes everything SO much easier. It will be easier to meet girls. It will be easier for you to escalate on girls. And it will be easier for you to let go and give them the crazy hot sex they crave so bad. Because you are doing it FOR THEM too. Therefore, you have double motivation: Your own AND hers.

I really encourage you to get this into your head:

  • You GIVE her $20 bucks.
  • You GIVE her the opportunity to get seduced.
  • You GIVE her the rush of emotions.
  • You GIVE her the sex.

TAKE her

Now even though you definitely should focus on “giving”, you still have to TAKE her.

EH WTF????
Confused? Let me explain.

You have to focus on the “giving” on a mental level. “Giving” should be your internal mindset when you hit on girls.

BUT – you’re still a man, and she is a woman. And a man has to take the woman. He has to dominate her, lead her and TAKE HER.

So physically (escalation wise and sex wise) you still have to take her. When you have sex with a girl you should aim to TAKE her and USE her for YOUR NEEDS. Dominate her. Treat her like you OWN her. Her pussy is yours. If you take her EXACTLY as you want to take her, totally selfishly, this will actually be a huge turn on for her. Girls LOVE when guys “just do whatever they want with her”. I’ve been told this sooo many times. Trust me. So actually, even though it seems kind of rude and egoistic, it’s actually the best thing just to do whatever you want physically and sexually, because when you do this, you will do her a favor too.

Ok so just to make it clear. You have to TAKE her and do whatever you want with her. But deep inside, you should remember that you’re actually doing her a favor this way. Start viewing this whole dating/get laid stuff as a FAVOR you are doing to the girls, view it deep inside as a really good thing. Its not wrong. Its not bad. It is GOOD.

Girls live “boring” lives

Listen… Most girls live pretty boring lives. That’s just a fact. They go to school or work, and then they have their girlfriends. That’s it. The majority of girls doesn’t do competitive sports or build businesses. As a guy you may see girls as “lazy” but they are actually not. Their focus is just different. This is because girls are very driven by their emotions. They don’t care about building or achieving something logical. All they care about is EMOTIONS. Girls just wanna have fun, and experience a lot of EMOTIONS. Why else do you think they love all those fucking drama tv-shows and social intrigues?

Because of this, you can therefore really give something good to their lives by hitting on them on the street, taking them home and giving them some crazy sex and intense emotions.

At least, that’s how I view it.

I don’t mean to sound like some kind of unselfish hippie that doesn’t think about myself and only wants to take care of others. Of course I get laid and have sex because of my own needs and desires. I love to feel the rush of seduction, the conquering of a new beauty. No doubt about that. But I also get laid and have sex because I know that I am doing something good for the girls too. I couldn’t have fucked 135+ girls if they didn’t want it too.

Why do I think I know what I’m talking about?

Because I have spent the last fucking 4 years with girls. That’s why. And I have not only fucked them, I have also talked to them(!!!). I’ve learned a lot about girls, through their actions and through their words. I’ve recieved so many messages from girls saying “thank you for seducing me” , “thank you for having the balls and the courage to talk to me on the street” , “thank you for being a man and treating me like a slut in bed”. So yes, they definitely like it too.

“But Thomas, I dont give a shit about other people, I only care about myself”

When all comes to all, everyone is ego-driven. So of course you are doing things for yourself. Follow your dreams and go for what YOU want. But if at the same time you feel that you are doing other people a favor, it will increase your OWN motivation, and thereby ultimately your OWN results too. It’s win-win. Try it out.


Instead of watching the world from your own point of view, start also viewing the world from the “outside”.

Instead of only thinking about how other people make YOU feel, try also to imagine how YOU make OTHER people feel.

If your life was a movie, and you were the main character – what kind of impression would people get from you? What do you GIVE to the world? What do you ADD to other people’s lives? What kind of positive difference do YOU make for others?

Make a little post-it note and place it on your computer screen or over your bed. It should say “What do I GIVE today?” Keep it there for at least a month and let it remind you to focus on GIVING and GIVING BY TAKING. Habits take time to change. Make it easier for yourself by those kinds of reminders.

Oh yeah, and next time you see a hot girl… instead of thinking:

“What can I get from her? Can I maybe get her number or get sex?”


“What can I GIVE to her? I can maybe give her some good feelings and SHARE some mindblowing sex.”

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