How to Prevent Average Sex

Always been curious as to what happens when the neighbors turn down the lights? So was I! Granted, we men are usually the first to brag about our sexual skills and prowess- yet if we look at the numbers something clearly isn’t adding up. Let me show you what sort of sex life the average person goes through- and how we can prevent ourselves from ever getting in stuck in a mundane sex life. Hint: it begins WITHIN.

This is a wake-up call. Let me show you what I believe is the most important thing to keep in mind if you want be her sexual fantasy.

‘Average Sex Life’ According to a Durex Survey

At one point Durex (the condom brand) decided to take a better look at what really goes on when people get it on. They wanted to know- what does the ‘Average Sex Life’ actually look like?

Following Alfred Kinsey’s footsteps (the notorious biologist and sexologist) they decided to create a worldwide study of their own. Let’s get to the juicy stuff shall we. I present to you:

 

Sex by the Numbers: 25 Sex Facts You Didn’t Knew Yet

Orgasm & Satisfaction

  • Almost 60% of the people are not satisfied with their sex life.
  • Feeling respected by the other party is a key determining factor for good sex according to 82% of the respondents.
  • Less than half of us reach orgasm on a regular basis when having sex (48%).
  • Men orgasm twice as much as women with 64% having an orgasm during intercourse versus only 32% of the women.
  • About 24% of men have problems getting hard on occasion.
  • Of the remaining 76%, 29% has trouble maintaining an erection.
  • Only 66% of the people find the length of their average session to be sufficient.
  • Slightly over half of the people (53%) are open to more sexual variation (anal, role play, BDSM, fantasies etc.)

Global

  • 58% of the Greeks partake in a wide variety of sexual activities-the highest score worldwide.
  • A mere 19% of all Nigerians apparently change things up (likely due to strict religious society).
  • A sensual massage is loved around the world with 3 in every 5 people mentioning they would be happy to receive one.
  • Austrians and Brazilians have the most oral with 80% and 77% respectively regularly indulging in some oral exchanges.
  • Thai people most frequently use libido stimulating products (68%).

Masturbation

  • 83% of the people masturbate on a regular basis.
  • The Swiss are the most active masturbators (96%) vs only 30% of all Nigerians regularly masturbating (lowest score).
  • 43% of the men masturbate at least once a week versus 22% of the women.

Number of Partners

  • On average heterosexual men bed 13 different women.
  • Heterosexual women sleep with 7 different men on average-lifetime.
  • Austrians seem to be promiscuous: the men have slept with 29 women on average and the women with 17 men.
  • Chinese are more monogamous it seems: on average men bed four women and the women bed 2men.
  • Nine. The average number of sexual partners of a random woman living in the US.

Frequency & Duration

  • Only 58% of the people is comfortable talking about sex.
  • About 2/3 of the people have sex at least once a week.
  • 24%. Number of Greek people that have sex at least 5x a week (vs 10% worldwide).
  • On average people have sex sessions of about 20minutes (including foreplay).

 

So What Can We Learn From All This?

A couple of things actually:

1). If you meet a cute Austrian girl- invite her over for a drink.

2). Greeks know how to party.

3). A lot of men have problems getting hard & lasting long.

4). Women reach orgasm far less frequent than men.

5). In general people are not that satisfied with their sex life.

Point 5 is the one that I really want to talk about. Point 1 and 2 are interesting things to keep in mind for my personal life ;-). Though the media has definitely shaped our perception of what ‘good sex’ actually means (as explained here) it seems to me that a lot of us are just not happy with our sex life.

Of course there are some generalizations in there, but you get the point- sex in our minds is better than real life- unless you start to BE her sexual fantasy.

 

The Orgasmic Gap

In science the orgasmic gap is referred to the fact that men orgasm far more frequently than women during sex (2/3 of men vs 1/3 of women). As you probably know women need more build-up and time to reach orgasm generally speaking. Thus, if you can’t last long and stay hard it will be more difficult to fully please her (via penetration).

Of course you can always help her reach that juicy orgasm with your hands or mouth- but that is not what this is about. This is about showing you that average sex sucks- and it’s in large part due to the fact that we as men, are not doing our job. Bring on the haters.

The notion that we in general, don’t last long enough and have problems staying hard has been confirmed again and again by researchers.

 

7 Minutes of Bliss?

A research in 2004 conducted by Miller and Byers whom interviewed 152 couples showed that the average duration of foreplay is 12minutes and actual intercourse a mere 7 minutes (Miller & Byers, 2004). Seven minutes! And these are couples!

People that, one would assume, are used to each other’s bodies, who can completely relax when they are with each other. Now according to the Durex survey this is closer to 20minutes, but that includes foreplay.

Of course long sex-athons don’t necessarily equal good sex but I can’t help but wonder- what if we as men would just be a bit more open minded towards improving our ‘game’ – aka our skills in the bedroom?

Improving our ‘skills’ however, is not just about lasting longer, being rock hard, or acting all gynecologist-like after just learning something new. That is the wrong mindset to have.

 

Average Sex Can Be PREVENTED

Most things you will find online will say that average sex is by prevented or ‘made interesting again’ by ‘spicing things up’ or learning a new trick. What a load of fucking bullshit.

Couples

Supposedly if the sex is not hot anymore you are suppose to suggest anal, doing it with the neighbor, licking chocolate from her belly and let her finger your prostate and what not. Then the magic Cupid elf comes and creates sexual tension. Or something like that. The focus here is what happens INSIDE THE BEDROOM.

Bachelors

Supposedly if the sex is boring with you and the new girl you are not doing your ‘job’ and you should learn a new technique. Again the focus here is what happens INSIDE THE BEDROOM.

Bullshit.

Both views assume that similarly to making a sculpture, it is about ‘adding’ more clay to the sculpture and so they start adding more and more. Until they discover that the sculpture is actually not made out of marble but dog shit.

Average sex is not prevented by ‘adding’ new things. It comes from the INSIDE. If both persons ARE sexual persons, communication is solid and the chemistry is there, things won’t become mundane- ever.

 

Are You Doing Your Homework?

Obviously sex is not a single act- nor should it be. Women are responsible too. However, as men, we can definitely make sure we do our ‘homework’ so to say. And by homework I mean working on our ‘bedroom game’ OUTSIDE the bedroom FIRST.

The fact that most guys are full of shit when it comes to their sexual ‘performance’ might not be expressed in the locker room talk- but facts don’t lie. It’s time to get to work guys. Let me explain:

If you think that just having a lot of sex (whether it’s with 1 partner or different partners) is all there is to it- you are dead wrong. Though I obviously don’t have a sexual ‘click’ with every girl I generally get compliments and I feel that is largely due to this mindset I have:

 “Sex starts outside the bedroom.”

BE Her Fantasy

Instead of following this ‘role’ as soon as you get it on- you take a more holistic approach and make sure that you are a sexual person instead of acting like one which most of us do.

It comes down to this ancient life philosophy:

 

BE-her sexual fantasy.

DO-the things she secretly desires.

HAVE-the sex you and her desperately crave.

 

Think about it like this: a professional sprinter wants to have that Golden medal, in order to achieve this he must do the things required (e.g. training) but he ultimately must be that Golden medal winner.

 

Someone like that doesn’t smoke. Doesn’t do drugs or alcohol.
Someone like that doesn’t follow the fucking status quo.
Someone like that is a winner because he understands this principle.

Translated to our topic: you want to have great sex and be a great lover? BE her FANTASY. Be the sexual aggressor and that sexual guy instead of just acting like one when you are hungry for some lovin’.

 

Examples of BEING

  • Whispering dirty things in her ears when you really shouldn’t.
  • Touching/teasing/fingering her under a table.
  • Grabbing her hand and take her to a quiet place (LEADING).
  • Actually having a 3some with her instead of talking about it.
  • Working out to be in shape–>look good (start sexercising).
  • Pinning her down the bed and taking her there and then.
  • Kissing her as if she is the last woman you’ll ever kiss.
  • Reading up on sex because you know it’s important.

 

A Lesson from 50 Shades of Grey and Dolce & Gabbana

Though I generally despise commercials (my background lays in Media studies), I do believe that fragrance commercials and mainstream sex novels can shed some light on this.

Obviously everything is exaggerated, but there is a reason books like 50Shades of Grey sell so insanely well-THEY PLAY INTO THE WHOLE FANTASY IMAGE.

 

 

Just look at the poster for the movie. Even though the book is atrociously bad we can still learn something from this:

What does the image ooze?

  • Adventure (excitement).
  • Mystery (‘handsome stranger’).
  • Dominance (woman surrenders herself).
  • Tension (lip gazing but not kissing).

Now of course we all know the media fucks with our minds. You could argue that I got brainwashed thinking this is ‘real man’ behavior.

Even if that were true, the fact that 99% of all women watch TV and consume a shitload of media means that they form a stereotype around a ‘man that turns them on’. What their ‘fantasy’ guy is, does, and looks like.

Another example, this Dolce & Gabbana picture.

 

These are good examples of what BEING her fantasy is all about.

Does the image they try to create show a guy that IS her fantasy or TRIES to be? Is this a guy that eats pizza all day and watches TV all night or is this a guy that leads an interesting life, is in shape, and knows a thing or two about women?

Fragrance commercials & sex novels PLAY INTO THE WHOLE FANTASY IMAGE:

  • DOMINANT.
  • GOOD LOOKING.
  • ASSERTIVE.
  • MYSTERIOUS.

BE THAT GUY. It doesn’t mean you need to look like a super model, it means you sexualize yourself and be that guy on the INSIDE. Note: I’ll be writing an insane article about playing with sexual stereotypes that will fucking blow your mind wide open. Stay tuned or subscribe (bottom page).

 

The Take-Away?

Average sex is prevented by taking realizing that sex happens OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM.THAT is how you PREVENT average sex. By BEING an attractive man instead of ACTING like one. Realizing it is INTERNAL and the sexual expression is EXTERNAL.

The same goes for women. BE that elegant, charming, sexy woman instead of ACTING like her every Sunday and on special occasions. It’s about working on your ‘game’ OUTSIDE the bedroom. If there is one thing you remember from this article- let it be this.

 

ACTION TIME:

What can you do NOW to become that fantasy guy? What can you do to become HER sexual fantasy? Though there are countless things, here are three suggestions I hope you take to heart and are things I learned throughout the years.

1. Start SEXERCISING (get in shape).

Get that gym membership if you didn’t already. Start sexercising. Get serious about it. Commit yourself. Don’t do it for women, do it for YOU. I’ve found that once I started getting serious about weightlifting (going for 3years+now with strict eating schedule) my drive and assertiveness skyrocketed when it came to women but also in life in general.

2. Start EDUCATING YOURSELF (read up on sex).

Get some books about sexuality, sexual fantasies. If you KNOW the difference between the Gspot, Aspot and Deepspot for example, that will definitely help because you know what she will like in general, and then you can adjust based on what she personally really likes.Learn to last longer and stay hard.

3. Learn to LEAD

Develop assertive personality traits. The best way to do this I’ve found is by engaging in risky/edgy/masculine activities like Muay Thai Boxing, sky diving, motor cycle racing, rock climbing. As long as it is something where you have LITTLE TIME TO THINK and have to ACT within seconds.

I still want to start sky diving and getting my motor cycle driving license but Ive heard from a lot of my friends and some experience with martial arts that it really helps getting ‘out of your head’ and start going with the flow- developing masculine traits along the way.

4. Improve your LOOKS

Get some style advice from female friends. Hire a personal stylist, look at magazines and fashion books. Make yourself more desirable- not for her, but for YOU. If you look good you will feel good and that is something everyone around you will also notice. That is what will attract other people.

 

Remember: BE. DO. HAVE.

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