Most of us get most of our info regarding sex from the media- whether it is the TV, a radio show or a magazine doesn’t matter. This also goes for women. The problem with this is that it leads to skewed expectations of what constitutes ‘good sex’ resulting in bad sex in real life.
Both men and women in my opinion seem to forget that the media is mostly for entertainment purposes. I’m gonna talk about the consequences of skewed expectations and the role porn plays in this.
Examples of Stereotypes for Women
- All black guys are well endowed.
- All Asian guys have small penises.
- Typical badass bikers will also be good in the sack.
- Sensitive guys will never be a good lay.
- All Spanish men look like Rafael Nadal and are the best lovers they’ve ever had (there is even a movie about this called Vicki Christina Barcelona).
- Men ‘take’ sex and women ‘give’ sex
And so on and so forth.
Point 6 really pisses me off at times. I sometimes feel that a lot of girls who watched too much Sex & the City and what not have just bought into the whole ‘Im the prize and so is my pussy’ mindset. Why?! Last time I checked it’s about mutual giving & receiving and using sex as a ‘reward’ for a guy is about the last thing it is and should be. What am I, a fucking dog that ran after the ball when you threw it?
Just this mindset alone can really mess with the sexual chemistry in my experience- and that’s never a good thing.
Zombie Nation-Zombie Sex
The other side of the spectrum is also worth mentioning: women that are used to, or have settled into average sex at best. Some women out there are used to their man not being able to last more than five minutes or getting hard despite significant sexual experience. Maybe it’s because she never experienced anything different, or because they just love their man and ‘accept’ him and all his ‘flaws’.
Though at some level this is quite romantic it is something that no woman should experience. Every woman deserves a fulfilling sex life, as does every man. Being able to stay hard and last at least long enough to really get it going with the woman you are with helps you with giving her the sexual satisfaction she craves.
Now keep in mind that long sex sessions don’t necessarily equate to good sex. It is important however, to understand that skewed expectations only make matters worse when reality is nothing but a big fat disappointment.
Men Are Guilty Too
We men are equally guilty in creating skewed and unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and the role of the man and woman when they’re together being intimate.It’s a bit different though. Some women tend to develop either overly high expectations, or very low expectations of men who should ‘perform’ (with of course a large grey area between these two ‘extremes’).
Guys on the other hand often make a subconscious comparison with adult film actors, putting an unnecessarily high burden on their shoulder without realizing it.
Men Tend to Create Performance Pressure Which Results in:
- ED or PE- somewhere down the road this always happens.
- Rigidness & tension during sex- the inability to relax.
- Inhibitions- not letting their animalistic side play part in sex.
This is because they are always comparing themselves with what they see in adult movies in the back of their mind.
Watching porn over and over again we start believing that every guy out there is hung like a horse that can go on for hours and hours straight shooting a load that could drown a whale.
Logically speaking, we all know pornography is staged, its entertainment. Unfortunately, we slowly start believing what we see in adult movies.
Now you might not actually watch a lot of porn which I consider to be a good thing in general (I’ll talk about this in other articles). Nonetheless, we sometimes can’t help but feel a deep saddening because the women seem to enjoy it so much, the men can do it all, and our personal experiences might have been quite different. This causes feelings of let down, insecurity, and even depression which in turn affect our ability to get hard.
If we would take a look behind the scenes we would see that a scene of twenty minutes might take an hour or longer to shoot.
Not only that but scenes are often shot from multiple angles and the editors cut often entails the merging of these different shots making a scene that only took 2minutes seem like it was 5minutes. It might look like the guys stay hard for hours but we don’t see the fluffers between takes.
For those of you unfamiliar with the slang ‘fluffer’, they are basically the girls keeping the male actors stay hard between scenes by jerking them off or giving head. There is obviously much more going on, with pills being used and often exercises the actors use to ‘train’ themselves in lasting longer- similar to what you’re about to learn.
Make sure you keep in mind that a lot of what you see is staged and that apart from some genetic ‘freaks of nature’ they are all just guys, just like you and me. The difference is that they often train themselves to excel sexually speaking because their job depends on it (fortunately, we can learn this).
The Take Away
•The media is full of shit but we tend to forget- 90% of our knowledge regarding sex comes from the media, hope you see the problems this can cause.
•Both men & women have skewed expectations when it comes to sex resulting in less chemistry when its sexy time.
•For guys: stop comparing yourself to porn stars- it will fuck with your sexual & emotional health.
•For girls: stop thinking that sex is something you ‘give’ to men- sex should never be some reward for ‘good behavior’.